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     The boy began to cough and spit, and his eyes blinked open, full of fear.
     Another one returned. It was a sign of the Drowned God's favor, men said. Every other priest lost a man from time to time, even Tarle the Thrice-Drowned, who had once been thought so holy that he was picked to crown a king. But never Aeron Greyjoy. He was the Damphair, who had seen the god's own watery halls and returned to tell of it. "Rise," he told the sputtering boy as he slapped him on his naked back. "You have drowned and been returned to us. What is dead can never die."
     "But rises." The boy coughed violently, bringing up more water. "Rises again." Every word was brought with pain, but that was the way of the world; a man must fight to live. "Rises again." Emmond staggered to his feet. "Harder. And stronger."
 
(affc, 25)
 
the iron islands culture/religion + the greyjoys in general are soooo epic in affc and adwd...drowning and being reucssiated is such a righteous rite of passage TO ME! what is dead may never die....
 

 
 
     "Tommen has his mother." Ser Kevan's green eyes met her own, unblinking. A last drop of wine trembled wet and red beneath his chin, and finally fell. "Aye," he added softly, after a pause, "and his father too, I think."
(affc, 163)
the reveal that kevan knows about cersei and jaime YEHAAAAAA it just fucking cuts right through all the bullshit cersei is saying and doing in this chapter.


 
 
     "Maester," he said, shaking him gently by one shoulder. "Maester Aemon, wake up."
     Aemon's blind white eyes came open. "Egg?" he said, as the rain streamed down his cheeks. "Egg, I dreamed that I was old."
     Sam did not know what to do. He knelt and scooped the old man up and carried him below. No one had ever called him strong, and the rain had soaked through Maester Aemon's blacks to make him twice as heavy, but even so, he weighed no more than a child.
(affc, 316)
yes its me #1 maester aemon fan...i was so depressi knowing that he was just slowly dying and that he would never know jon was his family while they were still together at the wall...PAIN
 



     Brienne lowered Oathkeeper. "Dig a grave. There, beneath the weirwood." She pointed with her blade.
     "I have no spade."
     "You have two hands." One more than you left Jaime. 
     "Why bother? Leave them for the crows."
     "Timeon and Pyg can feed the crows. Nimble Dick will have a grave. He was a Crabb. This is his place."
     The ground was soft from rain, but even so it took the fool the rest of the day to dig down deep enough. Night was falling by the time he was done, and his hands were bloody and blistered, Brienne sheathed Oathkeeper, gathered up Dick Crabb, and carried him to the hole. His face was hard to look upon. "I'm sorry that I never trusted you. I don't know how to do that anymore."
(affc, 421)
brienne of tarth perfeito!!! i love her so much. only person honorable enough to be a knight.



     "You sound as if you pity him," said Brienne.
     "I did. You would have pitied him as well, if you had seen him at the end. I came upon him by the Trident, drawn by the cries of his pain. He begged me for the gift of mercy, but I am sworn not to kill again. Instead, I bathed hes fevered brow with river water, and gave him wine to drink and a poultice for his wound, but my efforts were too little and too late. The Hound died, there, in my arms. You may have seen a big black stallion in our stables. That was his warhorse, Stranger. A blasphemous name. We prefer to call him Driftwood, as he was found beside the river. I fear he has his former master's nature."
     "It is true, then," she said. "Sandor Clegane is dead."
     "He is at rest."
(affc, 670)
uggghhhh the ultimate tenderhounding. also grrm doling out this convo right after heavily implying that the hound is alive on the quiet isle as their gravedigger...grrm you evil bitch!!! the hound + brienne being foils and passing like ships in the night on the one place in westoros free from the war is so magical to me.



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 ok i literally miss going out and doing things I CANT TAKE IT ANY MORE a curse upon coronavirus. but i was thinking about how all my hockeyfic is secretly an overly complicated list of places in detroit i like and now i want to make a big post about it. pain. pain. pain. this is my post-covid revenge tour
  • the brakeman / penny red's: brakeman is a beer and rec hall with a fried chicken place (penny red's) attached to it. its one of those convoluted places where you have to buy tokens to use at the bar but i dont even go there to drink anyways plus the honey butter biscuits are so good it will make you die. people will be playing any number of stupid games and you will definitely be hit in the head with a ping pong ball. its downtown like a block off woodward and attached the shinola hotel so you can just get off the q-line at grand circus and walk! and there is faygo.
  • seva: a veg/vegan restaurant located behind a now-out-of-business checkers and next to an art gallery? you will literally never see this place unless you are looking for it but it is so good. general tso's cauliflower + pizza bread is my go to combo even though its majorly carby. also if you go during happy hour you can get half off the apps. unfortunately being allergic to tree nuts means half the shit on the menu will kill me but i love this place. i go there way too much its actually an issue.
  • chartreuse: a pretentious new-american small plates joint but its actually good and fun. normally me and izzy go here for out friendiversary or i take whoever has never been to the city before here...the twice cooked egg is so good for no reason. its wildly overpriced and you usually have to make reservations but it contributes to the experience. i think i ate rabbit here once? also there is a photo of a parsnip that looks like a sexy woman framed in the entrance and everything inside is indeed chartreuse-colored. 
  • johnny noodle king: its ramen. its bao buns. its tiny and in the desolate industrial section of detroit for no reason. cant go wrong!
  • mercury burger bar: sandwiches...burgers...yeah they're good but have you had the POUTINE TATER TOTS? if you sit outside in the summer you will straight up be attacked by 50 bees. they also do that thing where if you order a shake they give you the rest of it in that aluminum thing. its in cork town so good luck with parking.
  • ottava via: an italian restaurant in an old bank. its upscale so your money will fly out the window but it is so good...order pasta. ragout or the truffle one never miss. you can play bocce ball in the back and get a sunburn. also in cork town. 
  • la dolce vita: another upscale italian restaurant though this one is def more traditional feeling...i have inherited weirdly close relationships w/ the owner and staff from my dad so. i still have to give the owner this glass dish back that i have from when my family ordered a big thing of lasagna for christmas. and antonio gives us free homemade limoncello all the time! everything on the menu is good here for real. its wayyy up woodward so its not even in the city really but its worth it imo.
  • pierogi stand @ eastern market: the people's pierogi...stand in line for 5 minute and get pierogi + kraut for 5 bucks. its good...its always there...they also sell frozen dozens you can take home. in addition there is this mustard guy in the next stand over usually so you can try that with it too
  • beignet truck @ eastern market: disappeared since covid happened but damn this shit is so good. you have to get beignets with the works otherwise you're not living life to the fullest: raspberry sauce + chocolate syrup + powdered sugar...i miss this so bad. the guy who works the register is so nice!
  • detroit water ice: i dont even know what this stuff is technically. im pretty sure its like a derivative of italian ice but its soooo good and cheap. watermelon flavor is The One and to this day i haven't tried another. this is right on woodward downtown so you can take the q-line to campus martius and walk a half block. 
  • cafe d'mongos: this is technically a speakeasy and it is 100% the weirdest place in detroit. the inside is decorated like a gay pirate developed an antiquing hobby and is having a garage sale. there is just random shit everywhere and you will probably catch some kind of disease here but the vibes are insane. whatever you do, dont use the bathroom.
  • little caesar's arena: look im red wings fan. the arena is brand new and extremely snazzy. buy a $70 dollar ticket to sit halfway down section 113; the home team will shoot on your end twice, you are protected from flying pucks, and its the best view in the place. if you somehow have the ability to afford/get player's club tickets: BUY THAT SHIT. endless food/drink/snacks and its very funny to watch the players walk through the middle of the room especially when they are losing miserably. 
honorable mentions
  • the huron room: this place straight up closed like 3.5 years ago at this point and im still mad about it. it was in mexican town for some reason but it had great seafood + random plates
  • anna scripps whitcomb conservatory: this botanical garden is literally the only thing to do on belle isle and while it is small it is still nice. i like plants.
  • the detroit institute of arts: i'm not really a serious art / art history person but you have to go here. they have fun exhibits sometimes.
  • green dot stables: slider joint owned by same guy as johnny noodle king, cheap plus they serve weird meats sometimes which can be fun
  • selden standard: another weird pretentious new-american place with no parking. i have never been here without my dad
  • detroit athletic club/ DAC rooftop: you cant go inside here unless you either know someone with a membership or have one but if you somehow finagle that...jump on the opportunity. food is good and you can see right into tiger stadium its very cool. i got a massage on the lower floor once it was crazy. there is a single bowling alley in the basement.
  • jolly pumpkin: pizza + brewery + beer hall where you order up front and then sit down. really good truffle fries. sandwiched between a shinola store and jack white's third man records so its fun to take a look around afterwards.
  • detroit one coney island: this thing has been around for like 800 years, the parking lot is only accessible through a single lane back alley, and you will probably get food poisoning. you should still go though.

archival ficpost

Wednesday, 20 January 2021 01:20
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soften in the spotlight
user: lockjawed
fandom: NHL / detroit red wings
relationship: dylan larkin/filip zadina
summary: "I'll be the fastest thing you've ever seen," Filip says. "Blink, you miss me."


stay down, supine, stay down
user: sungazer
fandom: hades game
relationship: thanatos/zagreus
summary: There are snowflakes melting in Zagreus' hair.

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is this a resolutions_post? sort of. half of this is things i am basically guaranteed to accomplish barring my own death and some of it is very resolution-y....but mostly i need something to look at all year so i can figure out how to organize my life


college
  • anthropology writing intensive course
  • re-take technical comm (haha...)
  • exit interviews for both majors
  • see if field school transfers as a methods course for anthro major
  • GRADUATE WITH LINGUISTICS + ANTHRO DEGREES
  • re-enroll for biological sciences
  • michigan state master naturalist course
field school
  • this is me manifesting it actually happening in person this year even if its relegated to utah of all places
  • grad school letter of recommendation from isaac
  • well i'm not me unless i try to win the presentation competition at the end now am i?
work/finances
  • stop being the worst employee at my company and actually work regularly this year (20 hours a week?)
  • save $2,000
  • STOP BUYING CLOTHES OH MY GOD.
misc
  • once again read 24+ books 
  • more volunteering with michigan urban farming initiative + rouge river cleanup
  • contact [redacted] ...........
  • clear out apartment clutter
  • get out more (if possible)
non-exhaustive tbr list
  • the rest of the dune series
  • lord of the rings
  • star wars novelizations...
  • halo novelizations because im curious
  • rest of his dark materials
  • ursula k le guin
  • gideon the ninth?
  • vicious v.e. schwab
  • the silk roads new history
  • beartown
  • memory police
  • esther perel state of affairs
  • mary oliver blue horses
  • the crying book
  • the year of blue water by yanyi
  • last 2 books of asoiaf
  • wheel of time?
  • ancillary justice sequels 

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quick reviews of all the books i read, save for about 5 or 6 that i read for school and had nothing to say about. no matter what i do dreamwidth will not let me un-bold this sentence. be free!!!!

Read more... )
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i dont even know how to review this book so it is time for the obligatory highlights reel post. what i have been through you cannot possibly imagine.


     I still didn't know who was committing the crimes, but I knew for the first time that we would find out, and that we would arrive at him. I also knew the knowledge would be terribly, perhaps tragically, expensive to others in the book. / As a sultan once said: I do not keep falcons––they live with me. 

This is literally just the introduction of the book where Thomas Harris talks about writing Red Dragon and I don't know why but this had me staring up at the ceiling.


    His learned values of decency and propriety tagged along, shocked at his associations, appalled at his dreams; sorry that in the bone arena of his skull there were not forts for what he loved. 

Ah...the Will Graham thesis. 


     "That's interesting," Graham said.
     "It's not 'interesting.' You'd thought of that before."
     "I had considered it."
     "You just came here to look at me. Just to get the old scent again, didn't you?"


No one was more shocked than me finding out that You just came here to look at me wasn't some gay shit the nbc show runners made up...GIRL. Hannibal is crazy.


     "I'm sorry, Beverly. What did you say?" He looked at her bright eyes and kindly, well worn face.
     "I just said I'm glad to see you back, Champ. You're looking good."

BEVERLYYYYYYY....IS MY FRIEND. I like it when people are nice to Will.


     Lecter felt much better. He though he might surprise Graham with a call sometime, or if the man couldn't be civil, he might have a hospital supply house mail Graham a colostomy bag for old time's sake.

Hannibal thinking to do this after seeing Will one time and tricking some poor receptionist into giving him Will's address is soooo hilarious...a fun little tribute to that time Hannibal cut Will from hip to rib resulting in a temporary colostomy and Will's retirement <3


     He could see the print of his forehead, nose, and mouth, and chin on the window as the lightning flashed behind it; a face with drops crawling through it down the glass. Eyeless. A face full of rain.

This was just nice imagery


     "I won't put you through this again," he said, "but I'd like to come back by. Just to say hi and see how you're doing."
     "How could you help it – a charmer like me."
     For the first time he saw tears, and realized where it ate her.

     "Would you excuse us for a minute, officer?" Graham said. He took Reba's hand. "Look here. There was plenty wrong with Dolarhyde, but there's nothing wrong with you. At the end, he couldn't kill you and he couldn't watch you die. You didn't draw a freak. You drew a man with a freak on his back. Nothing wrong with you, kid."

Because He Is A Nice Man.


     "Molly, they don't like me and you know why. Every time they look at me, I remind them."
     "That's not fair and it's not true either."
     "Okay. They're full of shit and they make me sick – try that one."

LMFAOOO Will and Molly constantly getting into fights is such a highlight of this book.





NO COMMENT.
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 yes...it is time for a hannibal post. in usual dw user braintransplant fashion i will just be compiling dialogue that made me die in a fire because at present i am not able to form a more coherent thought about this show. thank you


Will: I still dream about Abigail. I dream about teaching her how to fish.
Hannibal: I'm sorry. I took that from you. I wish I could give it back.
Will: So do I.
Hannibal: Occasionally I drop a teacup to shatter on the floor...on purpose. I'm not satisfied when it doesn't gather itself up again. Someday, perhaps, a cup will come together.
  • Okay without the single elegant tear of Will Graham and Mads Mikkelsen acting his face off in the middle of this I'm aware the last lines seemingly come from nowhere but OHHH MY FUXXKING GOD.
  • We must keep in mind that Hannibal has already called Will a fragile little teacup in the very first episode, but has now extended the teacup metaphor to Abigail and Mischa.
  • The whole thing is basically about Hannibal's obsession with the idea of reversing entropy, i.e. the universe moving chaos into order, i.e. a shattered teacup coming together and flying back on to the table, i.e. Abigail coming back to life (which he essentially accomplishes by hiding that she is still alive from Will), i.e. Mischa, who has been eaten, somehow becoming whole again. ITS CRAZY.
  • Teacup-ception.....Mischa was Hannibal's teacup, and now Will is, while Will's teacup is Abigail. Since A=B and B=C means A=C, Abigail is basically Hannibal's teacup by proxy. And the reason Hannibal is so obsessed with Will is that he basically destroys him mentally but Will pulls himself together again anyways. 
  • Also fun to note that part of the way Hannibal tricks Will into thinking that he killed Abigail is by leaving her ear in his sink, so she only has one. And looks like a teacup. Ha ha. 
  • I am also thinking about s3 What distinguishes the past from the future? / Before you, and after you as a weird extension of this, re: entropy...in Red Dragon they mention that Stephen Hawking quotes thats like the increase of disorder is what distinguishes the past from the future, giving a direction to time. 


Hannibal: You want to know how he's choosing them?
Will: Thought you might have some ideas.
Hannibal: You just came here to look at me.
  • I don't even know how to articulate the manner in which this shot me out of the sky. 
  • Basically Will is using a case as an excuse to come see Hannibal and Hannibal knows it and Will also knows it and they are just standing there knowing it.


Hannibal: It's Achilles lamenting the death of Patroclus. Whenever he is mentioned in the Iliad, Patroclus seems to be defined by his empathy.
Will: He became Achilles on the field of war. He died for him there, wearing his armor.
Hannibal: He did. Hiding and reveling identity is a constant theme throughout the Greek epics.
Will: As are battle-tested friendships.
Hannibal: Achilles wished all Greeks would die, so that he and Patroclus could conquer Troy, alone.
  • Not Hannibal immediately drawing the comparison between Patroclus and Will, known empathy disorder haver
  • Not Will laying out the spiritual lead-up to the s3 dialogue of You and I have begun to blur by mentioning that Patroclus assumed Achilles' identity
  • Hannibal your Will Graham obsession is showing...this conversation is insane when you remember than Hannibal is actively manipulating Will/everyone around Will into thinking that he killed all the people Hannibal did.
  • Also Hannibal is right about the identity theme thing...personally I'd argue the theme is more broadly just Deception but it still tracks! The Greek creation myth in particular comes to mind
  • Basically this whole scene is the flawless embodiment of the writing exercise thats like imagine none of your characters can say exactly what they think/mean. I can't stand these bitches
  • ACHILLES WISHED ALL GREEKS WOULD DIE, SO THAT HE AND PATROCLUS COULD CONQUER TROY, ALONE.

ok thats enough for now. i have only watched this show once so im not equipped to comment in the first place, plus i was in a fugue state for all of s2 and s3, but i will be back!!!! hannibal lecter i'm going to get you bitch

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 so...i finished tbg. and i did indeed not like it. the real question is how to i even begin to parse this book / this series...? for now i will write bulleted list of my qualms in no particular order 
  • did anyone else notice rfk occasionally forgetting that rin had an amputated right hand LMFAO
  • i still hate rfk's characterization/use of venka. her only character trait is essentially that she was raped, and almost all her Big Character Moments still revolve around that in some way or another. and then when rfk cant milk that anymore, venka is once again shipped offscreen until her and rin can engage in some girlhate again. i know its not necessarily confirmed by the canon but having the last remaining female character be the one that betrays rin is soooo not lost on me LOL
  • KITAY WAS THE STAR OF TBG BY A MILE! which i personally enjoyed because he is literally the one of two bitches i ever respected and he's always right. but he was definitely not meant to be the star, in fact it felt a lot like rfk was begging us to hate him
  • which brings me to the thing thats the hardest to parse about this book/series: i don't care about rin, at all. people often argue that she's not meant to be sympathetic, but she's not being written as an anti-hero, and we've spent 1500 total pages wallowing in her pain and failure and feelings, so i don't think that argument holds up. rfk is definitely not trying to excuse her genocide, i'll give her that, but...everything about this narrative is telling me i'm meant to like her, just a little bit. but i don't! 
  • rin does not grow or change in any way throughout this entire series. in fact she somehow learned the same lesson approximately 20 times.
  • i was already at the end of my rope by the time i finished the dragon republic re: rin saying she wont follow random people blindly then doing exactly that. the second she met souji, i went, oh, this again, and i was right.
  • people on goodreads are already claiming this ending is meant to be a critique of what war ultimately does to people/places, but considering we've just spent like 1,500 pages following someone who has openly enjoyed and craved violence since she was like 10, it doesn't feel earned in any way shape or form.
  • i found a lot of the treatment/description of the mugenese people pretty uncomfortable in tdr, and this book did nothing to solve or discuss it. maybe it wouldnt make me feel so ill if this entire series wasn't such a blatant rip on the sino-japanese war, and the fantasy races weren't such thinly veiled stand ins for real people. but it is, so.
  • rin/nezha, wether its love or haterism, being the driving force of this book is so laughable considering how poorly their relationship has been developed prior. they've had like 2 or 3 real personal conversations in this entire series.
  • i am biased because i am chaghan_lover3000, but seriously. NOT ENOUGH CHAGHAN. he randomly appears, says something reasonable to rin, and then she goes and fucks everything up, but somehow everything ends up working in her favor and she pretends like she planned it that way all along. and then i'm supposed to believe chaghan RESPECTS her???? girl he will part you like a comb. i really wish chaghan/the hinterlands had a bigger role in this story. 
  • was i supposed to be shocked that rin ended up being a power-hungry, delusional, narcissistic, ineffective leader? It Has Always Been This Way
  • altan continues to be the dead horse rfk is metaphorically beating. LET THAT BOY GO!!!!!!!
  • im trying to remember the point of the trifecta and all the hanelai reveals in this book but im pretty sure they were all ultimately meaningless
  • it is a bad sign that by the time rin and co made it to arlong i was low key rooting for nezha
  • THIS PACING WAS AWFUL. it was somehow both way too fast and dreadfully slow
  • the final arc of this book was soooooo lame. when rin + co made it to the grotto to face the dragon i was literally sitting there like So all of This is coming down to this dragon idgaf about. i keep saying it but every scene in this book is so wildly unearned by rfk's writing/the narrative.
  • not even a little bit of romanze...THIS SUCKS! for all the talk of enjoying what you can in this book, nobody seems to be following their own advice
  • rfk's writing style is soooo fuxxking bland oh my god. i know these books technically arent YA but they read like the worst of YA
  • we should have had rin/venka bisexual trutherism or lesbiana...
  • rin creating new shamans felt like such a deus ex machina. and not even in a fun way
  • i really hate what rfk did with religion here...for the first half of the book i felt like she might have been going for the grrm approach where everyone is equally right and equally wrong about god, but then she pulled the One True Pantheon, and i just dont find that compelling. the Big Question having only one answer is just boring. it would have been so much more interesting for the hesperian religion to also have legitimacy as well!
  • at least i can laugh because rin died a virgin 
  • NOT. ENOUGH. CHAGHAN.
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altan is alive!rin/nezha/kitay anchor tripletschaghan dies (when we need him most)hinterlands excursion rin has to kill altan....FOR REAL
we have to team up with su dajinezha obligatory redemption arcsorry nezha but we're killing your dadwell theres gotta be a dragon at some point rightweekend trip to the smoking remains of mugen
genuinely uncomfortable use of historical eventsempire and republic put aside their differences to fight the real enemy: hesperiaFREE SPACE!!!!!!!!!!rin gives uprin gives up on giving up
excessive discussion of altan for no reasonno mention of qara whatsoever visiting whatever is left of sinegard and being depressedrin faces no fitting material consequences for committing genocidenezha sweating it out in a yurt sorqan sira style
egregious exposition about some bullshit thats never been mentioned beforethe bullshit mentioned in the egregious exposition happens 10 to 20 pages latergunsudden bisexual trutherismi hate it
 
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i have just finished my (unknown number) reread of the scorpio races.....and i once again have severe psionic damage. here are all the things that stuck out to me on this particular occasion
  • i felt very aware of this book's (minor imo) flaws this time around, i.e. a handful of moments/pieces of dialogue that felt like they were written with the intention of seeming snarky/funny but ultimately fall flat and feel out of place or awkward. puck's comments about vinegar or whatever come to mind in particular
  • george holly jumped out at me soooo much on this reread!! i have always loved his character but i think i never noticed how genuinely kind he was beneath all the wit before. i love all the times he forces sean to face his own feelings. whats better than this: "don't say hmmm to me, mr holly. you cant come in here with your red hat and those shoes and play the wise man. / "yes, says the man wearing no shoes at all."
  • PEG GRATTION AND GABRIEL ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR? i am so stunned i never parsed this out until now...their interactions always made me ? previously but i never thought it through all the way. it finally hit me when puck sees gabe standing right up behind peg in the kitchen talking to her quietly, and then later in that scene when she gets up to go get gabe from the kitchen but tommy falk jumps up anxiously to do it himself, all this occurring just under the nose of beech gratton.
  • benjamin malvern is such a perfect villain. like he's not even evil he is just kind of unsympathetic. the line thats like I know Benjamin Malvern wants to be entertained, and that few things manage it. drunk on power ass bitch
  • i also never noticed that gabe was roughly 24 years old...theres a single line about him being 6 years older than puck near the end of the book, and puck is 18ish. i always assumed he was like 19 or 20 for some reason, but i actually like that he is older. this also means finn is 16 since he was old enough to place a bet, which makes his melodramatic personality 10x funnier.
  • i guess i also never put together how morbid and sad tommy falk's death/funeral is...he was meant to go to the mainland with gabriel and beech like 2 days after he died :( and also sean/puck first kiss being right after his funeral is sooo *&^%$# ok freaks 
  • apparently the race colors puck ends up with being peg gratton's scorpio festival cape escaped me completely
  • I AM SO HOESMAD THAT I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO FIGURE OUT WHO THE MARE GODDESS AT THE FESTIVAL IS!!!!!!! REVEAL YOUR SECRETS.
  • every day i wonder if corr is the horse painted in the cave on the other side of thisby
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  • dreamseed, imagined, in your heart
  • salt like a hound at your door
  • all snow melts
  • forsaking eros, false vices
  • fledgling angels
  • troublestone
  • giants: deadfall
  • shark, red-legged
  • crab apple, silverback
  • felted thunder
  • one-handed seraph
  • light sickness
  • bowstring; knife to back
  • every snake breathes, serpentine
  • mindmaker
  • king cobra
  • crushing underfoot
  • come and worship / come alone
  • viridian sun
  • unlovely
  • angry wasp, lonesome starlight
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 more t2t post titles its just mindless fun...
  • jazz music is confusing so i turned it all into violins, sorry
  • please dont ask about the lemon
  • i got a birthday present but i dont think its you
  • the worst moment of my life
  • who is to blame for this country's problem
  • does anyone else feel like my neck is going to explode
  • reading the names of the dead will sometimes get you to cry
  • that fish aint playing
  • t-rex brain
  • seth meyers died in a george foreman
  • this is my favorite postcard ever
  • nice girls make great lovers (hm...maybe "sexy maids" will be more marketable)
  • what its like to murder someone in a video game, through magic, in the middle of a trombone solo
  • rating what seashells are made of
  • i cant endure the nintendog loading screen any longer
  • mr. lasagna
  • funny excuses for not following your dreams
  • iNeed a hug
  • how dare you live by the river
  • the dawgs still need me
  • some asshole on a bike kicked my head
  • eat your eggs in a terror filled void
  • dinosaurs killed the jockstrap
  • good news! monkey brains provide scientists with memory of falling into a pit of snakes
  • numbers i invented
  • fever dream dialogue
  • some lab stuff for eric
  • i am choosing not to discuss what happened to eric
  • 100 years of ham
  • the smell of death is still strong
  • one year older (or are we?)
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 noura did this and i wanted to try!!!!! t2t + my previous dw post titles =
  • what its like to live near a slaughterhouse
  • the life cycle of a sandwich
  • thar she blows
  • gaming at the end of the world
  • the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak
  • i died in two directions
  • cowboy fact 27
  • how i would improve job security by doing 3 simples tasks
  • why i keep trying to improve my cocaine collection
  • this years event report (dreams)
  • what it feels like to shoot a lion in the face
  • handshake strategy meeting
  • putting glue on mom
  • boy am i lazy
  • lost passion for managing my plant collection
  • how i can make this into an epic poem
  • mario software update
  • kraken worms
  • how many ants are there in the world (the answer is never "enough")
  • what to do with psionic powers
  • killing four guys with love
  • orphan timeline analysis
  • evolution of rock band names
  • another year of letting go
  • fire escape stories and their contradictions
  • you live in an era
  • friends left me stranded in the park for 5 years
  • if spiders are so smart, why are they such assholes?
  • if i was an emo no one would really mind
  • voodoo and voodoo girls
  • how many thumbnails of overripe fruit can you fit in a google image search?
  • in your heart, do you see something that you never knew was there? (final autopsy)
  • how to become a pegasus zombie (spoilers)
  • reasons people are getting mad at people
  • someone set me on fire at an anime con
  • godzilla facts (wow, how could i forget them???)
  • will there ever be an okay song again?
  • this thing called a snail just landed on me
  • bossfight with cyborg rage
  • the early history of water and why i cry at work
  • random people that will probably fuck you
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 every time i look at the spreadsheet i laugh...i thought i would clue you all in on the genuine chaos i have experienced this year rapid-fire obsessing over a shit ton of media for no reason

title: red sun, rising
fandom: horizon zero dawn
rship: aloy/avad
current length: 3.5k
summary: Aloy comes back to Meridian.
best line: "You don't look like her." / "I never will."
comments: so....turns out my horizon zero dawn curse is eternal...THIS GAME CAME OUT IN 2017. avad/aloy still makes me crazy because frankly whats better than repressed royals falling in love with crazy bitches? nothing! and avad literally tries to get aloy to marry him canonically in the game even though his old gf just died. like the dynamix are seriously psychotic. the mission he proposes to you at the end of is called The Sun Will Fall and his official title is sun king like okay geurilla games i fuxking see you. anyway the problem i have writing this is that both these character's voices are super hard to write, and its also hard to contrive a plot out of the non-ending provided by the game's canon. i'll finish this eventually.

title: clarity, in all it's terror
fandom: asoiaf
rship: jon snow/roslin frey
current length: 3k
summary: It was Robb that Roslin had first prepared to wed, but in the end, years later, Jon Snow was the one riding into the Twins, looking more a Stark than his brother ever had.
best line: People in the Riverlands always called Northmen cold and strange, but Roslin felt a quivering in her chest, like when she was a child, and tried to hold a caught frog in her hands.
comments: my greatest asoiaf joys are 1. insane ships that marry jon off to one of robb's potential/actual wives after his death, and 2. wildly hand-wavy post-canon future fic. jon snow's increasingly fraught identity is so fun. TO ME! also arranged marriage is a fun trope to right...repression is everything to me

title
: ????
fandom: haikyuu
rship: oikawa/hianta
current length: 2k
summary: "This is never happening again," Oikawa says.
best line: As for tossing to Hinata, Oikawa had though about it. Of course he had thought about it––had held the idea in his mouth like some strange, exotic fruit; excited both by the possibilities and the idea that it might be poison. 
comments: you are not immune to haikyuu renaissance or brazil arc oihina....anyway this is nonlinear junk where oihina hook up once in brazil as a one time thing and then are like haha just kidding later at the olympics. in my head they are a very weird version of soulmates

title: indigo, held fast
fandom: bts (do not speak)
rship: yoongi/taehyung
current length: 3.5k
summary: There are five red lines running down the center of Taehyung's back.
best line: "I don't think a romantic would have stayed so long." / "Romantics always stay too long. That's what makes them romantics."
comments: this was my thankyoufic to post on ao3 user junkseller due to multiple old fics surpassing 20k hits...essentially it was cryptid fic again but with maltese tigers. also combined with that one nyt modern love article about a couple that agreed to meet again in 5 years. basically kth is a zoologist sent to investigate some tiger sightings in the mountains but on the day he's supposed to meet yoongi he gets attacked and yoongi is still his emergency contact and its all downhill from there. which indeed sounds mental. but thats junkseller era fic for you babes! might finish. the chaos a junkseller revival would cause is too good NOT to pursue!!!!!!

title: twinning the dark
fandom: edge of tomorrow 2014
rship: rita/cage
current length: 1k
summary: "How many times?" / Cage stares at her. Opens his mouth, closes it. Blinks. "Rita," he says, then, course correcting: "Sergeant Vrataski."
best line: "I don't know you, Private Cage." / "You never wanted to."
comments: im not me without this movie...i get so much emotional damage every time i watch it!!!!!!! i just want to write post-canon weirdness because the canon ending is soooo delicious. i like when people dont know and hate each other.

title: soften in the spotlight
fandom: nhl...........
rship: larkin/zadina
current length: 14k LOL
summary: honestly i forgot what i wanted the summary to be
best line: "Nobody asked you to do that." / "Nobody's supposed to have to ask."
comments: i seriously need to finish this...its basically hockey magnum opus. especially because larkin will be named captain soon and that will kill one of the insults in this fic. this fic is good but it isnt. but it is. what do you know about green its all green / i know what its like because ive been new to the league and young and in over my head with someone i looked up to / i know you feel led on and rejected by me. but eventually, you hold the carrot, and im chasing you.

title
: spindrift
fandom: the scorpio races
rship: puck/sean
current length: 2k
summary: Do not eat Sean Kendrick. 
best line: "It'll be alright," I say stupidly. Sean looks at me, hard and long. We both know I'm lying, and in that, we have our own kind of truth
comments: yes its true every year i got scorpio race'd and cry from horses because the true love got to me. and thats my right!!!!!!!! sometimes hets are literally good

title: against the lyre
fandom: the poppy war
rship: rin/nezha
current length: 2k
summary: "Do you ever miss it?" / Nezha smiles lopsidedly at her. "Miss what?"
best line: "Reliving all those times I kicked your ass in Arlong?" By the time the fleet departed, Rin was a compact coil of lean muscle again, and Altan's trident stopped feeling like a transplant her body was slowly rejecting. / Nezha laughed a little. "No," he said.
comments: ummmm you're not immune to garbage. that is all i can say

title: dragonfly, black-eyed fire
fandom: the poppy war
rship: ??? the psychospiritual triangle of haterism between rin/altan/chaghan after altan dies
current length: 1k
summary: The versions of Altan Trengsin currently existing in living memory is limited to three.
best line: I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU OF ALL PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE IN LOVE.
comments: ummmm....hate... is so beautiful. even if tpw and tdr suck they dont. but they do.

title: razor
fandom: criminal minds ...
rship: reid/cat
current length: 2k
summary: Spencer Reid fell in love. Once, then: twice.
best line: "That's not how this story ends." / Spencer doesn't move. Doesn't blink. Smiles, a little. Feels the phantom gun wavering between his eyebrows. "That's how these stories always end."
comments: you can clearly see that at this point in the year i had truly cracked but in my defense the criminal minds writers went buckwild with the spencer/cat plot. and i love fucked up shit so here i am. anyway this is their FBI chaperoned fake date except spencer unfortunately does reciprocate feelings in some way...you know...that classic psychopath x eidetic memory genius ship

literally there are so many more but its too embarrassing...other fandoms i have cycled / recycled through include detroit become human, anne of green gables, THE TERROR, that awful ya series gone, the winged histories, miraculous ladybug for some reason, narnia for some other reason, gsnk again, dune, and also violet evergarden like 8 times. what i have been through you cannot possibly imagine
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 i am using the IGN video for timestamp reference

0:19 -  this is definitely already on arrakis because i recognize the fish on the headboard, probably a scene or two before the reverend mother comes, and a few scenes after dr. yueh tries to drug paul
0:29 - you hate to see it but i am so fuxxking sold on timothee chalamet as paul atriedes like he is seriously going to eat this up. even the 'yes' is perfect
0:43 - im always right (screenshot of when i said gom jabbar test of humanity has to be in the traielr)
0:49 - nice shot of caladan...i like the way the abundance of water on caladan is established before the scarcity of it on arrakis in the book
0:54 - i loooove the way they decided to represent the shield tech. 10,000 leagues ahead of david lynch version and the holographic look of it has a nice sense of how far tech has advanced in-universe....its a bit sci fi campy but it doesnt throw me out of the story and its fun
0:58 - man denis villenueve did not skimp on the details....first paul's headboard, now the stone depicting leto's father fighting the salusan bull
1:13 - the pink floyd eclipse cover + hans zimmer soundtrack here is so epic....also a tribute to the failed dune project in the 70's that never got off the ground that pink floyd was supposed to do some of the score for
1:17 - jason momoa as duncan idaho is such perfect casting if you know you know
1: 22 - dave bautista as the beast another perfect cast
1:25 - the burning palm trees....are everything to me
1:49 - first of all, zendaya, second of all, the stillsuit design is so great
2:01 - ITS THE CRYSKNIIIIIFFFEEEE
2:02 - this is the most righteous shot in the whole trailer for me...whole ass ship swallowed up by shai hulud
2:09 - my assumption is that this is the scene when duke leto finds shadout mapes in the hall before yueh captures him for the harkonnens
2:23 - it aint just sand in that hand babes
2:50 - obligatory worm.
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     Of all the dark, obstructive, enigmatic souls I had met in this bleak city [Estraven's] was the darkest. I would not play his labyrinthine game.
(page 20)
sorry its just that this observation about therem/estraven by genly/genry is literally so hilarious considering well.....everything.



     "You don't see yet, Genry, why we perfected and practice Foretelling?"
     "No––"
     "To exhibit the perfect uselessness of knowing the answer to the wrong question."
     (...)
     "The unknown," said Faxe's soft voice in the forest, "the unforetold, the unproven, that is what life is based on. Ignorance is the ground of thought. Unproof is the ground of action. If it were proven that there is no God , there would be no religion. No Handdara, no Yomesh, no hearthgods, nothing. But also if it were proven that there is a god, there would be no religion...Tell me, Genry, what is known? What is sure, predictable, inevitable––the one certain thing you know concerning your future, and mine?"
     "That we shall die."
     "Yes. There's really only one question that can be asked, Genry, and we already know the answer."
(page 74-45)
i uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh



     There waiting for me at the gate of the little town was Ashe. (...) We had not seen each other those three years, yet seeing his face in the twilight under the arch of stone I felt the old habit of our love as if it had been broken yesterday, and knew the faithfulness in him that had sent him to share my ruin. And feeling that unavailing bond close on me anew, I was angry; for Ashe's love had always forced me to act against my heart.
(page 79)
my face when ursula k le guin comes and slaps me in the middle of this chapter



Therem: You owe me nothing, nor I you. Let me go.
Ashe: Will you take this, Therem? I owe you nothing, but I love you well.
(page 79)
there was no good reason for me to feel this way but well thats just how it is



     He said, "I am Arek of Estre."
     The other said, "I am Therem of Stok."
     Then Estraven laughed, for he was still weak, and said, "Did you warm me back to life in order to kill me, Stokven?"
     The other said, "No."
     He put out his hand and touched Estraven's hand, as if he were making certain that the frost was driven out. At the touch, though Estraven was a day or two from his kemmer, he felt the fire waken in himself. So for a while both held still, their hands touching.
     "They are the same," said Stokven, and laying his palm against Estraven's showed it was so: their hands were the same in length and form, finger by finger, matching like the two hands of one man laid palm to palm.
     "I have never seen you before," Stokven said. "We are mortal enemies." He rose, and built up the fire in the hearth, and returned to sit by Estraven. 
     "We are mortal enemies," said Estraven. "I would swear kemmering with you."
     +

     "Did you bind up my wounds in order to kill me, Stokven?"
     "No," said the older one.
     Estraven asked, "How does it chance that you, the lord of Stok, are her on disputed land alone?"
     "I come here often," Stokven replied.
     He felt the young man's pulse and hand for fever, and for an instant laid his palm flat to Estraven's palm, and finger by finger their two hands matches, like the two hands of one man. 
     "We are mortal enemies," said Stokven.
     Estraven answered, "We are mortal enemies. Yet I have never seen you before."
     Stokven turned aside his face. "Once I saw you, long ago," he said.  
(page 134-137)
this is seriously soooooooo.....the inclusion of this karhidish tale where the characters all share the names of the second main character + his brother, the inclusion of the other tale about brothers, the duality/sameness theme, how both the estraven in the tale and the estraven who has pov in the story are both named traitors, the way at the end of the book genly basically does a variation on this plot, coming to estraven's father and meeting his son.....i was literally crying it felt like i had photo developer in my eye 

 

     It is a terrible thing, this kindness that human beings do not lose. Terrible, because when we are finally naked in the dark and cold, it is all we have. We who are so rich, so full of strength, we end up with that small change. We have nothing else to give.
(page 183)
you would not believe my face when i realized i reblogged a The Terror gifset on tumblr with this quote overlayed on the pix a few months ago....my interests are a flat circle.




     "In kemmer all the time...Is it a place of reward, then? Or a place of punishment?"
     "I don't know, Asra. Which is this world?"
     "Neither, child. This here is just the world, it's how it is. You get born into it and...things are as they are."
     "I wasn't born into it. I came to it. I chose it."
     "Ah well...Ah well," Asra murmured, and sighed, and rubbed his legs. "We none of us choose," he said.
(page 196)
genly telling asra a story about his world and it eventually all careening towards this exchange i need to be knocked unconscious with a frying pan for several reasons thank you




     "The fact is," I said, "that you're unable, or unwilling, to believe in the fact that I believe in you." I stood up, for my legs were cramped, and found I was trembling with anger and weariness. "Teach me your mindspeech," I said, trying to speak easily and with no rancor, "your language that has no lies in it. Teach me that, and then ask me why I did what I've done."
(page 214)
estraven you are so epic. 



     "You hate Orgoreyn, don't you?"
     "Very few Orgota know how to cook. Hate Orgoreyn? No, how should I? How does one hate a country, or love one? Tibe talks about it; I lack the trick of it. I know people, I know town, farms, hills and rivers and rocks, I know how the sun at sunset in autumn falls on the side of a certain plowland in the hills; but what is the sense of giving a boundary to all that, of giving it a name and ceasing to love where the name ceases to apply? What is love of one's country; is it hate of one's uncountry?"
(page 228)
i loooove the way this book grappled with the idea of a nation, international conflict, and patriotism. i love this elaboration, 200 pages later, about what estraven says to genly in the very first chapter.



     "Is it going to be 'Mr.' clear across the Gobrin ice?" 
     He looked up and laughed. "I don't know what to call you."
     "My name is Genly Ai."
     "I know. You use my landname."
     "I don't know what to call you either."
     "Harth."
     "Then I'm Ai. Who uses first names?"
     "Hearth-brothers, or friends."
(page 229)
the naming conventions on the planet in this book were so confusing. also this gave me soulpain



     But it was from the difference between us, not from the affinities and likenesses, but from the difference, that that love came: and it was itself the bridge, the only bridge, across what divided us. For us to meet sexually would be for us to meet once more as aliens. We had touched, in the only way we could touch. We left it at that. I do not know if we were right.
(page 267)
no one has ever been more stunned than me when my jokes about these bitches being in love actually came to fruition in a direct and clear way....miss le guin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! explaining this passage is impossible without the context of literally the entire book but just know that i have a heart disease now



     "Do you want to see if I can teach you how to speak it?"
     He laughed. "You want to catch me lying."
     "If you ever lied to me, it was long ago, and in another country."
(page 268)
i dont know why i decided to add commentary to this post when i genuinely am not capable of forming a though beyond AUGGGHHH



     "But I might ask you as profitably why you've never seen fit to invent airborne vehicles? One small stolen airplane would have spared you and me a great deal of difficulty!"
     "How would it ever occur to a sane man that he could fly?" said Estraven sternly.
(page 279)
the clash of interplanetary cultures is the best part of this kind of sci fi to me



     On the blank leaf glued to the inner back cover I drew the double curve with the circle, and blacked the yin half of the symbol, then pushed it back to my companion. "Do you know that sign?"
     He looked at it a long time, but he said, "No."
     "It's found on Earth, and on Hain-Davenant, and on Chiffewar. It is yin and yang. Light is the left hand of darkness...how did it go?"
(page 287)
OKAY *DIES IN AGONY*

braintransplant: (Default)
 The Terrors are aboard sir...love that for them

JFJ in episode 1: i hate crozier he sucks
JFJ in episode 5: why doesnt crozier wanna hang out with me :(

goodsir and silna friendship of the world

fitzjames being a stickler about uniforms and appearances...i love you you phony bitch [edit: knowing what i know about fitzjames being born out of an affair / not fully english + his confession about most of his Courageous Feats being done in pursuit of vanity and attention, this is mars rover level sniping.]

drunk crozier crazy ass. me during finals week

this episode is making me think of that meta post so much GODDDDD....the Moment When They See Each Other re: does that really work with anyone, mr hickey? goodsir finds hickey completely transparent in his ulterior motives, but hickey is fascinated by goodsir. how did it go...in goodsir, hickey sees the purity of man and he wants to know how far it can go, how real it is, how long it can last. they're each other's antithesis and its epic. [edit: wow this one is total word salad...what i mean is that goodsir is lawful good while hickey is chaotic evil. complete opposites in every position of that alignment chart. goodsir is capable of seeing hickey for who he really is, seeing right through the jovial, friendly facade he puts up. hickey is incapable of understanding someone like goodsir, and expects that underneath, goodsir is more like him than not, but he keeps being proven wrong. its more obvious in the later episodes, but over time, hickey specifically pushes goodsir's kindness/humanity as far as he can, hoping to eventually break him. its a relationship dynamic i didnt notice until the final two episodes my first watch, but now im catching it here when hickey tries to endear goodsir to him, and goosir says: does that really work with anyone, mr. hickey? the tension of the scene juts gets cut through. i love it!!!!]

the ice ridges pushing the boat up unevenly resulting in a constant dutch angle is such a fabulous directing choice. like seriously.

i wish you'd call me harry. / well, i might call you doctor. you're sounding very like one to me just now. OK HEART DISEASE?

hickey and gibson evil gay rat marriage

tozer cutting heather's nails and talking to him :(

i love the translation theatrics...also i read somewhere nive nielsen at least is pronouncing tuunbaq in the greenland dialect which is why everyone is saying it like 4 different ways lol

THIS SCENE IS PSYCHOTIC. silna asking why do you want to die to crozier, blanky refusing to follow crozier's orders, JFJ walking in, calling crozier by his first name, crozier saying dont ever call me francis again. i love when they are back to hating each other. and the call back to the worst kind of 2nd. [edit: okay this is also word salad. this scene is psychotic because you have several relationship dynamics interacting at once here; crozier/blanky lifelong friendship, goodsir/silna confidants, silna/crozier in opposition, goodsir/crozier mostly neutral, crozier/fitzjames at this point opposed though rank means fitzjames must take crozier's orders. crozier tells goodsir to translate for him, and he cant. he tries to get silna to help them, but she wont. crozier tries to get fitzjames to get off of terror, but he stays. he tells fitzjames not to call him francis, but he does. he tells blanky to send silna back out onto the ice, but he refuses to follow orders. basically crozier gets denied at every instance, so its the perfect explosion to precede his realization that his drinking problem is making him lose his grip on the mission and the men.]

almost losing his best friend spurring crozier into sobriety well its good. nothing like a little amputation to wake you up am i right.

im afraid i need to ask the 4 of you for a favor that will likely be a great imposition. there couldnt be worse timing, i understand. there also couldnt be a greater need. im going to be unwell. quite unwell, i expect. i dont know for how long. a week? no. perhaps...perhaps more. not only must you draw the tightest possible curtain around what is happening but you must also care for me as well, as i will not be able to care for myself. [edit: interesting how crozier is fully capable of The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known here, and knowing what i know about fitzjames, its also interesting the way he reacts to hearing this. JFJ wants to Be Known so bad lmaooo. anyway i love this monologue. jared harris delivers it so perfectly. plus its a pretty apt man vs self conflict (a la knowing you are swimming in a dark pit, aware that you have yet to go down and touch the bottom of it, but you must) as a reflection of the man vs nature conflict hanging over the whole show (knowing that things are already terrible, but the worst of the arctic has yet to come).]

jopson's you needn't worry for a thing sir. SONBOY

francis. / no. im sorry. we musn't stop until it is finished. i musn't stop, and you musn't let me. [edit: kills me that fitzjames is still calling crozier Francis when crozier literally yelled at him to stop calling him that like an hour ago]

also crozier giving little his gun went over my head the first time. i...uh. ok.

experiment on a monkey because what else is there to do in the arctic



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