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my personal epistemology of dating
Friday, 22 July 2022 11:54THE X FACTOR
The X Factor is the be-all end-all of being into someone. Basically when someone has the X Factor your feelings are both intense and totally disproportional to the situation at hand. And there is no discernible reason that you feel so strongly about this particular person and not any other random one...it's just the X Factor. Sort of a star quality situation. Having "it." What professional hockey GMs call "the intangibles."
Signs you are experiencing the X Factor:
THE SEX FACTOR
The Sex Factor is an essential aspect of the X Factor, but can exist independently. The same way that all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares. The Sex Factor by itself is for someone who Fucks, and you are attracted to, though probably more in the physical sense than any other. Isolated Sex Factor is basically just the distinct lack of X Factor, though you still like the person well enough. There's chemistry, but not necessarily in a romantic way. Your friends probably ask why you aren't dating this person and your answer is probably, Why Would I.
THE REX FACTOR
The Rex Factor is an unfortunate situation for everyone involved. People with the Rex Factor are perfectly nice; its not that you don't like them, but instead that they are obviously/undeniably WAY more into you than you are into them. There is no sex factor although if you do fuck it will probably be fine. Anyways, the obvious imbalance of interest levels makes you feel like this person is your weird dog named Rex who lives its life pretty much entirely at your will. Theres no reasonable explanation for turning them down other than the nebulous excuse of IDK, VIBES?
THE HEX FACTOR
The Hex Factor is reserved for the even more unfortunate situation where someone is into you but you really dislike/are repulsed/turned off by them. And thus you wish you could hex them/curse them/etc because you don't know how to turn them down without saying something rude. This is what happens on like 60% of dates I go on. When a text from a Hex comes up on your phone, you go Oh Jesus H Christ and try to come up with a normal sounding reason that you are really busy right now and can't come over or go to dinner or do that thing today, tomorrow, or a week from now. In fact, you are moving to another continent soon never to be seen or heard from again.
The X Factor is the be-all end-all of being into someone. Basically when someone has the X Factor your feelings are both intense and totally disproportional to the situation at hand. And there is no discernible reason that you feel so strongly about this particular person and not any other random one...it's just the X Factor. Sort of a star quality situation. Having "it." What professional hockey GMs call "the intangibles."
Signs you are experiencing the X Factor:
- Thinking the sentence "I want to live inside your skin" (not in a Hannibal Lecter way)
- Watching NBC Hannibal and being like ok yeah I kind of get it though
- Wanting to braid and/or brush their hair like it is the 17th century and you are the lady's maid
- Googling 'cob houses' and being like Yeah we could do this together
- Having birthday gift ideas for them 10 to 11 months in advance
- You are constantly dying in agony all the time
- Becoming horny over literally nothing
- Wanting to study them in a lab
- Getting turned down by them is the emotional/egotistical/psychological equivalent of being killed 100 times by an orbital cannon
THE SEX FACTOR
The Sex Factor is an essential aspect of the X Factor, but can exist independently. The same way that all squares are rectangles but not all rectangles are squares. The Sex Factor by itself is for someone who Fucks, and you are attracted to, though probably more in the physical sense than any other. Isolated Sex Factor is basically just the distinct lack of X Factor, though you still like the person well enough. There's chemistry, but not necessarily in a romantic way. Your friends probably ask why you aren't dating this person and your answer is probably, Why Would I.
THE REX FACTOR
The Rex Factor is an unfortunate situation for everyone involved. People with the Rex Factor are perfectly nice; its not that you don't like them, but instead that they are obviously/undeniably WAY more into you than you are into them. There is no sex factor although if you do fuck it will probably be fine. Anyways, the obvious imbalance of interest levels makes you feel like this person is your weird dog named Rex who lives its life pretty much entirely at your will. Theres no reasonable explanation for turning them down other than the nebulous excuse of IDK, VIBES?
THE HEX FACTOR
The Hex Factor is reserved for the even more unfortunate situation where someone is into you but you really dislike/are repulsed/turned off by them. And thus you wish you could hex them/curse them/etc because you don't know how to turn them down without saying something rude. This is what happens on like 60% of dates I go on. When a text from a Hex comes up on your phone, you go Oh Jesus H Christ and try to come up with a normal sounding reason that you are really busy right now and can't come over or go to dinner or do that thing today, tomorrow, or a week from now. In fact, you are moving to another continent soon never to be seen or heard from again.
